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Convenience
Running across the street with the candy bar safely smuggled in my coat pocket, I notice the streetlight turn green and hear the cop cars rumble around the corner, sirens wailing. In my haste I scraped my knee on the pavement and my ears were simultaneously assaulted with honks and yelling that I could not translate into words.
The candy bar slips out of my pocket, and I attempt to grab it before the cops get here. I know there are cars and impatient drivers, but I am hungry. I am jerked to my feet and feel my ruined knee throb as the blood makes its way to the surface. The candy bar is bent and broken on the ground, and the cop turns me around and says, "Are you all right? I'll give you a warning this time, kid, but you can't just cross the street whenever you please."Mood Swing:  busy |
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I would normally put this under the_shyfox, but I can't seem to get the password correct, or figure out what email I had it set up on. Kinda frustrating, so I'll be putting the fiction here until I figure it out. |
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guess im posting here because it seems that most people have gone to myspace. i really dont know what to say except things are crazy, and i have an impulse to type that they are indeed crazy.
Kinda sad that the only reply I've gotten is from an anonymous poster. But then this livejournal has been largely abandoned. I am sorry about that. I have to leave soon, perhaps I will actually write a coherent entry here someday. |
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School will be upon me soon, and I haven't done much. Kinda disappointing. Aw well. Watched Memoirs of a Geisha, as well as an Andy Lau movie I acquired. Yesterday Once More, I keep forgetting the title because it sounds a little generic. It wasn't bad.
Dillenger was good too, seeing Richard Dreyfuss as a young guy was a little weird. I picked up several cheap movies previously viewed. I all ready checked my copy of One Flew Over the Cukoo's Nest. It looked bad, but it plays and that's all that matters. I've wanted that movie for awhile now.
I want to write, but I don't know what to write about. I could work on my current stuff I suppose. Fri. and Sat. will be busy, but sunday I should have time. I should go to sleep, I have to get up at a decent hour. My brain just doesn't want to shut down, yet I am not doing anything really constructive. Aw well. such is life.Mood Swing:  awake |
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eh
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Mar. 21st, 2006 @ 03:04 pm
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With a topic like that, no wonder no one reads this!!
But that's how I feel. Kinda yucky, think maybe I need to eat some more. The bagel yogurt diet doesn't seem to fill me. I am debating going to Michael's. I need a couple frames for two posters I ordered, but they are much larger than I thought they would be, and I need to acquire frames to fit them. One is a still from Public Enemy, and the other a still from the Roaring Twenties. They are black and white with a thick silver border. They aren't the same size. I wrote down the measurements. If I had a car, I would have been there and back all ready, as I don't, it has to become an all day planned thing.
I am tempted to wait for Daryl, but he won't feel like going someplace as soon as he gets home. He will feel compelled to no doubt play DDO all day, which is why I am utterly bored with my existence right now. I cut myself off from all acquaintences, and then wonder why I am bored. Aw well. There are worse things than boredom. If I do leave, at least I may be able to get something filling to eat.
I should write some too before vacation is over. I do have things to do, I guess I am just lazy. Getting out of the house sounds good though, I just wish there was a frame place in the mall.
Nothing worth doing is easy.Mood Swing:  contemplative |
| » Spring break, Yay!!! |
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Not sure how i did this quarter. I need to stop procrastinating on papers. It's weird, I will still do a decent essay and I've gotten away with it thus far. But imagine how good I could be if I actually revised stuff more. I'm mostly stressing over End of the Modern World, because I did only one paper, and I don't know how I did on the final. It seemed too easy, which is a bad sign to me, like maybe I missed something important somewhere.
Not sure how I did on my non profit final either, I was really nervous when I took it, so who knows what my mind was like. If I'm calm I do well, generally, if I am nervous It can be anywhere from poor, to great.
Medieval Tech I think I aced, I have no worries there, I loved the class, and did well.
I havent been playing WoW lately, thinking of shutting my acct down. It eats up so much time that no writing gets done. It's just bad for someone with poor time management skills (me!)
I have been watching alot of classic warner bros. films, mostly James Cagney, with a dash of Bogart. I'm frustrated by the slowness of classics being converted to DVD. I'd really like to see Each Dawn I die, and The Strawberry Blonde, but I know if I get the VHS I'll never watch em, so I guess I have to wait. GRRRR!
I got a certificate from Suncoast, which will cover a purchase of Howl's Moving Castle, which I never got to see. I all ready know I'll like it, so I guess that's not a big deal. I would pick it up from work but they didn't get any sale copies. Such a weird company. It's in money saving mode right now, because renting movies doesn't make the profit it used to. More people buy em when they come out then rent, and the renters are increasingly going online for their needs. My company is hurting, but I only partly feel bad for em. They made some rather costly blunders the last couple years that had nothing to do with renting trends. *sigh*
Finally got my cds organized, then bought some more, just to throw myself off. I need to go through my books in the same manner, it would be nice to be able to find something once in a while when i needed it.
There is an internship in New York, I'd love to do, but they are killing me, It's credit only. They won't pay for airfare or for the 3 month stay. Looking at apartments, and the cheaper end is like 1500 a month. Yikes! I would also love to take the columbia u. publishing course, but again, it costs money, and while some financial aid is available, still rent is high. They might have student housing for that though, so that might in a sense be more feasible. In order to do the internship though, i would have to find a paying job there, and while possible, would be kinda risky. What if i didnt? cut the internship short, i gotta go! Sometimes i wish I could just do it, damn the consequences, you only live once (that i know of, anyhow) but i am just too cautious for that. I dont want to live on the street, no hobo aspirations for me despite Antares liking her experience.
Antares liked many things which have never appealed to me, i will chalk that up to one of them.
Although, i did recently get a copy of Record of the Lodoss War from Sam Goody which is going out of business. I know her and Paul liked it back in the old days.
I would also love to do the Norway summer expedition which has a deadline of apr 4th. There is financial aid for that, and living expenses but I am more interested in getting out of the country than the contrasting social welfare systems. And again, 3 months. Somehow i dont think my little blockbuster job would be waiting for me when i got back. I hate looking for work. course, i can't live and die by that job, its just a minimum wage retail job, they are a dime a dozen arent they?
Maybe the school has some internships for the summer that are a bit more convenient, in washington state at least.
Sometimes things would be easier if i had no ties whatsoever, and a large pool of money for such ventures. Life isn't like that for most people, i guess I need to stop stressing and figure out what would be best for me to do. I need experience in the publishing era before i graduate. I don't want to be one of those people with a degree that gets the door slammed in their face because they didn't get career experience.
*sigh* I need to relax first and foremost!
Mar. 14th, 2006 @ 03:43 pm
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| » nervousness |
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Got a test in 2 hours for non profit management, I tried studying, but nothing is sticking. On a good note, I think my annotated Bibliography did really well, so i am expecting an A in that class, we all got invited to go to the Swiss and get some booze (prof included) but I am just too nervous about my NP class. Some people are done all ready, but I can't relax yet. I have some video commentaries to turn in, and this test on the most boring subject imaginable, and I just hope I do well.
I did well on the last one, but it has since been difficult for me to retain info. Wish I had done this when I was younger, it would have been so much easier.
*sigh*
Mar. 9th, 2006 @ 02:00 pm
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| » I'm tired...grr |
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Work and school, work and school. I'm tired, and worn out, and suffering from end of quarter stress anxiety. I have also just had my Austin trip for publishing cancelled, because they didn't set aside enough money for airfare. Tahoma West isn't much better than Nevermore, and just as exasperating. And yes, this is still the industry of my dreams.
I have been going on an old movie kick, bought a gangsters movie set that is full of awesome movies, mostly James Cagney classics, but with a few gems without the awesomeness that is Cagney. The Petrified Forest is cool, and made Humphrey Bogart's career.
I picked up some stuff from Sam Goody, since it's closing. Finally got that Red Curtain collection, and found a weird little Cagney DVD with 3 independent films in sorta bad condition. Since they aren't part of some huge library like the classic MGM library, or Warner, it is clear that no one has went through and remastered them. It's sad to think that the independent films are the ones that will disappear because no one thinks to buy them and repair them. 2 out of these three were produced by Cagney's short lived movie house Grand National, the other one I am not sure of the studio, but it was produced by his brother.
The movie that ended Grand National is "Something to Sing About", and it is the third movie on the DVD. I am surprised that Warner took Cagney back after he made this film, it is a heavy critique on the idiocy of the studios, and how he is happier when he leaves a very "warneresque studio."
The Jack Warner stand in, a guy called Mr. Regan is portrayed as being an idiot who thinks he's more important than he really is. This movie even has minorities in it, a guy named Ito who is a servant but was an aspiring actor who actually fakes his immigrant accent, and is american born is the most obvious. You see a black actress come in and get her paycheck briefly, and it appears the staff ignores her, just hands her the envelope and waits for her to leave, she reminded me of one of the black actresses from Gone with the Wind, which I believe was made around the same year as this movie, but I'd have to look into it.
Anyway, lets just say that I wish there was a minor in film history at this school, I could do that.
Mar. 6th, 2006 @ 04:42 pm
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| » today has been very surreal..and i wish it would stop! |
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I don't even know where to begin. I planned on getting an early start(or a late start, depending on how you view it) on my compare and contrast paper for medieval technology. Well, I guess my body felt like sleeping was a better use of its time, because I ended up sleeping til some insane hour like 1 o'clock...okay, that was bad, not weird, but it doesn't stop there.
SO, i have no paper that is due today, and slept past class...i check my uw email, and find out that Nancy was going to give my info for Tahoma West at 1:45, well by now its 2 pm, and too late for that, but I catch the very next bus, hoping I can catch her after her class. That's not too weird, but trust me, it gets weirder...much more so.
I catch the bus, the 53 going to downtown, riding along fine...until the person across the aisle from me starts randomly vomiting in my direction. The nastiness gets dangerously close to my book bag. The driver asks us if we'd like to continue, or get a new bus, since it now smells like vomit. Some of the people have to go to work, so we say let's just keep going. It must be remarked that the lady who suddenly began vomiting, doesn't say a word, but just attempts to go to the front and use the tiny transit trash, eventually the driver tells her to just sit down and keep it by her, she nods. I don't hear any speech come from this obviously sick woman.
Like the langoliers, there is one person on the bus in a trench coat that is getting more and more upset as the bus stops for the sick lady. He is late for work, and he begins shouting things at her, how if you're drunk you should stay home, everyone else kinda shakes their head at this guy, who looks at his watch and keeps mumbling about work.
Finally, we reach the sick lady's normal stop, and now she is sitting toward the front, staring vacantly into space, she no longer responds to the driver at all, and seems detached from our world completely, in moments her arms will begin flailing, and she will commense convulsing, eyes rolling into her head, looks creepy, like posession. (I wish this was fiction, but it's not)
So, the bus stops, the 1 comes along, and our driver finally calls for medical attention, and we're all transfered to the 1. The guy who is late for work, is now running between both buses, and attempting to flag a nonexistant taxi at the same time...eventually he gets on the 1.
He starts complaining to our new driver, about how he will miss the 61, because of the sick lady, and how he might get fired from his job, and she should take him to the 61...despite they are different routes, obviously this guy is only worried about one thing.
Eventually, the worried guy gets off the bus and starts running, i reach the school, it is now 3:30, my class starts at 4:15, one wouldnt realize that I took a bus over an hour previously, and should have made it to the school with enough time to study for a test that may or may not be today.
I go to buy an exam book, because i can't find the ones i bought last quarter. I give the bookstore clerk 54 cents. She is the one that always helps me, i swear she lives there. Well, the book costs 44 cents, so at first she gives me no change, i tell her, i gave you 2 quarters and 4 pennies. She says, oh. And proceeds to hand be a nickel and a penny, i look at her confused. Uh..? She says, what did you give me again? I say, 2 quarters and 4 pennies. Oh, that means you get a dime. I'm sorry. I give her the nickel and a penny, she gives me a dime. So, now I am really confused. Someone who normally works the register, and hadn't made a mistake before, now is completely befuddled my a simple transaction, and I am still preturbed by the woman foaming at the mouth, and flailing her arms, with the weirldy shiny eyes...
I go and get an esperesso, and figure I should study for the test...well, I try to look at the documents I will be tested on, and the computer insists that the PDF's do not exist. At this point, I've given up. Hopefully I will get the other half of that submission for Tahoma West.
Jan. 17th, 2006 @ 03:37 pm
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| » What's new and not so new?? |
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Haven't done a whole lot, renting more prestreet movies, stressing at the end of the quarter. I decided that this procrastinating thing isn't going to work at this level of college. I actually have to change my ways, I cannot expect to do well turning in papers at the last minute. I just hope it isn't too late. I am pretty sure I can get by in Writing Effectively, and the Edit Lit Mag class I'm doing quite well in, but it's the Western Arts and Culture that has me worried.
Got a 15 page paper in there that's overdue. and a quiz to make up, thank the Gods for SNOW!! (And the bizarre washingtonian fear of it)
If I can just get through this, I will do better, I have to, and I need to change my bad habits into good ones.
Dec. 7th, 2005 @ 12:17 pm
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| » yucky. |
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I feel
truly awful.
Really sick
today. I
emailed my
homework to my edit lit mag teacher, i hope he checks his email often, well it should say when i sent it anyhow so he knows i had it done. i just couldnt make myself get up, too awful. I keep sneezing, and my eyes are like fountains. I think i need to do some more writing. I need to decide what i will be submitting for Tahoma West.
Anyhow, seeya when i seeya,
JenRae.
Nov. 28th, 2005 @ 04:36 pm
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| » i'm sick again, and sick of being sick |
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I know, vitamin C and zinc. Darn colds anyhow. Trying to figure out when we can go to Cali.
Playing too much WoW. need to work on school stuff, and watch the penguin movie. so much to do with so little time, and now it's past 3 am and I am still awake with a stuffy nose that is annoying me. GRRR!
anyhow, hope everyone is doing better than i am.
Nov. 27th, 2005 @ 03:22 am
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| » ugh..... |
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i feel yucky. i feel really down, i know what's new? i am trying not to stress out about my midterm.
i am really bad about calling people, i still havent called my mom to inform her of my aunt and grandma's shoe size. i havent called ayat, either. but i am upset that i am losing my wow friend and former co-worker because he just can't afford to keep playing. that, and i think he's bored with it. Doubt i will ever hear from him again after this month, damn hermit. wish i didn't care so much, why do i have to care? why do i have to care so much, just because someone was nice to me once? i mean once, as in not recently. i will kick myself later for not calling ayat more, she was a better friend anyhow, but i always care most for the jerks. Why is that? no, that's mean, he's not a jerk, just self-absorbed. now i sound politically correct. At least i crack myself up. Havent' done much today, which is usually what happens. i guess i am not used to having a day to myself like this. it was nice not having to set the alarm. I meant to visit oly and say hi, but i just have no energy. besides, that's a long ride just to say hi, i still want to sometime. Maybe look at SPSCC and see how much it's changed, haven't been there since the new building opened.
rev is in traffic, on his way home. im glad, i need some other voice here, it's sad just sitting here with the kitten.
Nov. 3rd, 2005 @ 06:16 pm
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| » Somewhat moved...internet access anyway |
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Moving is hell, and we still have stuff in Oly.
Rev's mom is up to visit and help out which is awesome. Pat stranded us out of exhaustion and we had to bus back to oly to get the Saturn, that was interesting. But I did get a good book out of it, Caesar by Colleen McColough which I recall Dave recommending, his book taste was impeccable. The Kitten is annoying me, she's all ready deleted this message twice. GRRR
Went to IKEA for the first time, bought a new bed, with help from Rev's Mom, and my birthday came and went. Rev got me a psp with Untold Legends, and took me to The East and West Cafe where I had duck for the first time. Twas good and moist.
Still have no phone, due to some weird problem having to do with the previous tenant. We'll have one on the 29th sometime. I start working at the new blockbuster this weekend, and will be starting school soon. yippee! Can't wait till all the stuff is over here!
Glad we finally have internet access though, although I wont have time to play warcraft really, not for awhile.
Hope everybody is doing okay!
Sep. 21st, 2005 @ 11:28 pm
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| » Moving...will be unavailable for a few days |
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So, no posts for a few days, but hopefully, things will return to normal quickly.
So, au revoir for now!
Seeya on the other side.
Sep. 14th, 2005 @ 11:06 pm
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| » I feel much better now |
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Starting to get an appetite again, and the flu-like nausea is gone.
I will need to spend alot of time packing and doing laundry, but at the same time, I hate to just sit at home. Wherever I walk to, though I can't take forever, cuz I have so much crap to do.
well, I will just have to think of something. Maybe put in a movie while i clean, and pack?
Sounds so dull. What do ppl do for fun around here, that doesn't cost money?
I'd walk downtown to the park and write, but in all honesty, by the time i'd make it home, nothing would get done, and I can't afford to put it off anymore.
Sep. 6th, 2005 @ 03:21 am
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| » ugh |
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I've felt like i've had the flu lately, really nauseous and sick to my stomach. I look at the food around the house, and everything makes me feel sick. This is the second day of this, and I have to work as well.
Trying not to stress out is difficult for me lately. Seems like my approach just isn't working. If you can't do anything about something, then you shouldn't worry about it, cuz it doesn't change anything, but only gets you worked up.
It sounds good, but I'm messed up in the head, I swear. The kitten is driving me insane with her yowling, can't get her to be quiet.
I wish I didn't feel so awful, ack.
Mental stability and physical are connected with me though. Just wish I could relax, and forget about everything. I need to do some writing, less warcraft. Need to pack too, only have 2 weeks left, and i have to get down to Bridgeport before the 16th.
I dyed my hair red, or had it professionally dyed this time, and everyone seems to like the color. The salon person picked a cooler red than i normally go for, but it seems to work well with my complexion. Heck, it helped get Kenny out of his self imposed exile, which is good. No one should play that much warcraft. I didn't get to talk with him much though, cuz I had work to do, and I think Tim must have trouble getting the new ppl to do closing duties, easier to have me do it all, while Janeane chatts away.
Tim #2 is a funny guy, really nice, sorta goofy, but man, sometimes he does the most retarded things, I feel bad for him, he assigned himself a till over Rob's till, using Manager Tim's numbers and password, which Man. Tim didn't give him to use. Course, the till was all screwed up, cuz it had been used before being reassigned, and it looks like Man. Tim did it, since it was his numbers, he was less than pleased, and Janeane didn't show up for her shift, cuz she wrote it down wrong. I feel very competent all of a sudden.
So, yeah, someone had to work, and I guess it was me. The idea of eating an Albertson's salad is making me feel worse, I forgot to take my lunch yesterday. I have the anti-appetite lately, no wonder im losing weight. I was eating though, now I feel sick. Forced myself to have a piece of plastic cheese, but it didn't settle well. Maybe I will feel better later.
Sep. 2nd, 2005 @ 03:04 pm
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| » I just dont feel well |
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Had to listen to Dark Ending, it is a really good but sad song from my quirky Mercedes Lackey cd that Antares bought me a long time ago. A time when I had friends, and I called them back. Guess I'm just feeling down, very little reason really. Probably hormonal, or maybe im defiecient in something. I need to call my mom, but I keep putting it off.
I flipped out on Kenny on warcraft in front of Firaga, which is partly why I'm down, I hate flipping out over little crap, he just chalked it up to PMS, but that doesn't normally get to me. Im not sure whats wrong with me, maybe i need to write again, maybe im just playing that damn game way too much. It's very addicting, and my sleeping schedule is reverting to the tacoma days, guess thats fitting since im moving back there. I dont think its good for my relationship though, can't spend any time together when im sleeping when he's awake, and he's sleeping when im awake, b ut i just can't sleep.
I've lost alot of weight too, without really trying, think its just a loss of appetitie, dont know, but i feel like i will need a belt for my work pants, which is ridiculous since i bought a pair not long ago. I need to check the mail too, waiting for a statement from Mervyn's.
The kitten has been bratty cuz i didnt let her outside, what's new. I changed a couple lightbulbs, and i slept in way too late, just didnt want to get up.
Nothing sounds appealing anymore, just been in this cloud of despair way too long, and for no discernible reason. Guess, when i boil it down, im just really lonely. But whose fault is that? I know how to dial a phone. I dont know what's wrong with me, i wonder when Gina's baby shower was, probably too late to go to that.
Aug. 29th, 2005 @ 04:17 pm
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| » Life is hell |
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i am not happy, and for once there is a reason. I think i may have detroyed a friendship, and possibly cost me my job over giving a slip of paper to people i shouldn't have. What's worse, is that my friend may be fired, and sued. And no longer be my friend, for the obvious reason that i gave the people suing him the evidence they need, although inadvertently, that doesn't seem to matter.
Even worse, i have to work with him tonite, and ask for a ride home from him, which isn't going to be pleasant. I feel horrible, and the entire management of the store, which makes up half the employees is mad at me. Great, that's just what i want to walk into on a daily basis. I am partly to blame, but its not entirely my fault, i didnt write the damn warning, and i didnt print it out. I just handed it to them with their receipt, not realizing what i was doing. Unfortunately, that was enough.
There is nothing i can do now, and that's what's worse. it's out of my hands, and there isn't a thing i can do. I dont know if i will get my transfer now, and i know one of the managers wants me fired. (Not the one i got in trouble, but another one who is very protective of him)
Everything goes to hell, it makes me wonder if i am not better off distancing myself from people after all. I never meant any harm, but look what i've done. I dont know how i am going to walk in there today. let alone tomorrow. if i will have a job in a couple weeks or not. Or how to win any respect back, which is probably not possible. Needless to say i am very depressed over this. and i dont know how i am going to get through the day without breaking down. I can't seem to go more than a half hour here without crying, or wanting to scream, how am i going to deal with customers, or my co-workers?
its probably another understaffed monday, which means its just me and him all shift, with him angry with me but trying to pretend he's not, very awkward situation, and i will have to do it for eight hours, and then ask for a ride as well. Could someone just shoot me instead? It would be less painful. A lot less painful. I've let everyone down, and there isn't a thing I can do to change it.
Writing helps, it really does. Writing doesn't make me depressed but relieves it temporarily like taking tylenol for a headache, makes it go away for a few minutes. long enough to forget about it for a few minutes more, maybe, if it works. if it's a strong enough dose. I dont know if there is a dose strong enough for this, but i doubt it.
I did buy a new mouse and keyboard that are wireless, its pretty nice, that's the only good thing, besides Rev treating me to the beach, and dinner, but nothing could quite cheer me up. It's hard to have fun when you know someone is miserable, especially someone you care about, and for something you feel you are partly responsible for.
Things can't get any worse, they can't, if they do i will go insane, if im not all ready. I hope he is nice to me today, because i am such a basketcase, its going to be hard as it is to get by, to put the fake smile on, more fake than usual, i dont even know if i can do it. i am tempted to just quit, no one will want me there, they all blame me, i will see it in their eyes, and they won't joke with me, or be friendly, except the csr's who appear to be in the dark. Thats 5 out of 10 employees, i wonder how long it will take before everyone wants me gone. hopefully a couple of weeks.
Aug. 22nd, 2005 @ 12:57 pm
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| » I've been a slacker, per normal |
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I did do my hair though, missed a few spots just like usual, but i am now blonde, debating going red again. I feel kinda yucky, probably my messed up sleeping schedule, so i don't think i am going anywhere today. Just dont feel like it. Maybe i will go to work early to rent movies, instead of today. Besides, i woke up late again, way late into the day and there is no way if i left now, that i would get back in time to see Rev come home from work. I'd stumble in around 7 pm, or later, and say hey, got Layer Cake....now we barely have time to watch it.
He bought Sin City which we watched the other day. That movie is so awesome!
Haven't written a word since buying WoW, which isn't good. I need to manage my time better is all, same problem i've always had. *sigh*
Strangely though, I am not depressed since buying it either, which is weird because it hasn't really solved my problems, maybe just a distraction. Je ne sais pas.
Au revoir.
Aug. 18th, 2005 @ 04:53 pm
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